Trigger Warning: This article includes mentions of sexual assault.
In preparation for my speech in Choate’s third-form Krause-Stevens Declamation Contest, I was looking forward to the opportunity to voice my experiences and opinions. I knew that my speech, which explored my own experience with sexual assault and America’s pervasive rape culture, would not be an easy topic to discuss. But, I felt compelled to speak up for myself and others in the hopes of sparking change.
My zeal, though, rapidly gave way to annoyance. When I was informed that I had made it to the semi-finals, I was eager to receive feedback, hoping to gain some insight into how I could improve my declamation. Despite my initial enthusiasm for critique, the feedback I received left me in utter disbelief.
I was told by my teachers that my speech was not “lighthearted” enough and that I sounded “angry and upset.” I was told that I needed to find a way to make my message palatable and comfortable for the audience to hear. It was suggested that I be more polite and gracious. I was both baffled and slightly offended by these insensitive remarks.
While I understand the sensitivity and triggering nature of sexual assault, how could I possibly make a topic like this lighthearted? How could I be anything other than angry and upset when discussing such a devastating issue? Why should I be forced to tone down the passion and conviction in my voice when it is true to my story?
The time for politeness has ended. The time for sugar-coating the reality that many women face has passed. I refuse to back down, to soften the edges of my message so that it would be more pleasant to those who would rather turn a blind eye to the bitter truth. The subject at hand is not one that can be diluted or softened. It is not one that can be wrapped up neatly in a pretty bow. It cannot be glossed over. It must be discussed with a sincerity and authenticity that goes beyond a disingenuous smile on my face.
My speech is raw, unfiltered, and indispensable. It is a call to action and a demand for justice. The problems in society that I address are no laughing matter. These are dark and traumatic issues that have been allowed to fester for far too long.
I am beyond angry. I am furious. I am ashamed that in 2023, we are still having to fight against gender stereotypes and expectations that should have never been an issue to begin with. My experience demonstrates that even in a supposedly progressive and open-minded community like Choate, there are still deeply ingrained expectations that women should be poised, submissive, and reticent. Yet, this is not just an issue with Choate, but rather a broader societal one.
There is a burdening pressure for women to conform to traditional societal standards, and my speech challenged that expectation. I am not diffident or meek, and I never have been. I will not allow my voice to be stifled or patronized by others.
Maybe that discomfort will be what finally spurs the bystanders into action. More women need to be willing to deviate from the norm and challenge the status quo. Society is stuck in a repetitive cycle of witnessing the same injustices year after year but making little progress towards long-lasting change. We must use our voices to rise above the pressures to stay silent. Not everyone will listen, and some will always be resistant to change, but for every person who dismisses our concerns, another will be inspired by our words.
I may not have advanced to the Krause-Stevens contest finals, but I refuse to let that define me or undermine my message. I will continue to speak out about the issues that matter, using whatever tone I deem necessary to convey their gravity and urgency. I am unapologetically a woman.
If you’re reading this and feeling angry too, don’t let anyone tell you that your feelings are invalid. Don’t let anyone trivialize your emotions or pressure you to change. Let your indignancy be your weapon. Your anger is valid, your emotions are valid, and your voice is valid.
