Some nonbinary Choate students — those whose gender identity goes beyond simply male or female — are voicing issues regarding the nonbinary experience to the Choate administration. Their concerns range from gender non-inclusive language on official documents to the need for community members to be educated on nonbinary gender identities.
Due to long-standing structures and systems on campus, many nonbinary students decide to identify as male or female out of convenience rather than out of what reflects their true gender identity. Julia Xu ’23 said, “On a daily basis, I always end up walking into a women’s bathroom. When signing documents at school, it’s Mr. or Ms. I find that they/them pronouns aren’t really recognized at this school.”
Nonbinary students often find that their gender identity isn’t reflected in official school records. Justyce Easter-Butcher ’24 said, “I think that one big thing is the use of deadnames in a lot of areas. My deadname is on ChoateSIS, and it really doesn’t need to be. That can lead to a lot of issues at the Health Center, for example.”
Dean of Equity and Inclusion Dr. Rachel Myers said that issues faced by nonbinary students on campus have been brought to her attention. “Misgendering through pronouns has been a big issue … I think there’s still work to do in finding out the best route to asking people’s pronouns.”
Dr. Myers proposed greater action from teachers in recognizing each student’s pronouns. In lieu of simply having students say their pronouns aloud, which could induce anxiety, in her English classes, Dr. Myers lets each student create a visual representation of their name and all of the indentifiers that may come with it. “You can have on the board what pronouns you use, and that would be more up to the student.” Other teachers have used Google forms as a more private mode of learning their students’ pronouns at the start of the academic year.
Although some teachers and faculty have made adjustments to their communication methods to be more inclusive to a wide range of gender identities, these actions haven’t been mandated by the Choate administration. As a result, there are still many teachers who maintain gender-binary-normative actions and language. Easter-Butcher, who uses all pronouns, said, “Generally speaking, Choate is a fairly accepting environment, but when someone says they use multiple pronoun sets, people usually default to the pronouns they’d assume. It can be very invalidating.”
The default binary persists outside of the classroom, too, through subtle or perhaps unconscious choices in language. Selam Olson ’24 said, “Sports is the main thing that’s impacted me. It’s really awkward to do girls’ sports and have the coaches refer to everyone as girls, like when the coaches use ‘ladies, gather up.’”
Another major obstacle in moving past the gender binary is housing on campus, which still has the vast majority of Choate students living in gender-segregated housing. Wib Elsesser ’24 said, “I would say the worst thing is that I’m in a boys dorm right now. If I were a cisgender student who isn’t a boy, I wouldn’t be in a boys dorm — but I’m not cis, so I am.”
They said, “I think the next step in that area is making sure people can change dorms as they figure out their identity and learn more about themselves, because gender is fluid. A year is a pretty long time.”
Dr. Myers explained that the transition of Hill House to a coed dorm this year indicates a change in traditional gendered housing. “That’s a potential outcome of seeing how Hill House goes this year: just breaking away from the concept of segregated spaces, [asking ourselves] how we can create a community with all different types of people in it.”
However, some nonbinary residents have emphasized that the coed program piloted at Hill House still has issues in including nonbinary students. Easter Butcher, a Hill resident, said, “A lot of things are still very gendered. There’s still a lot of gendered language in official documents and everything.” Additionally, Hill House essentially becomes a single-sex dorm after curfew, as students are restricted to either the female or male side of the dorm regardless of their gender identity.
Xu believes that one path towards fixing these issues is expanding Choate’s training, whether it be during pre-planned Diversity Day workshops or less formally in everyday conversation. “I think making learning about nonbinary identities more acceptable can be really helpful, because I know a lot of well-intentioned people who struggle to understand these concepts. I know that my teachers and classmates struggle with using the correct pronouns. It’s hard for people to understand these concepts without being taught these things.”
Dr. Myers agreed, saying, “Training is a huge thing. I think all, certainly every single adult, need to be trained in LGBTQIA+ language and history.”
While they believe that initiatives promoting gender inclusion are crucial, at the end of the day, Olson said such initiatives boil down to nonbinary students simply feeling included. “I really hope the student body doesn’t see nonbinary people as others. We’re not; we just identify differently than you when it comes to gender. It’s not that big of a deal, and shouldn’t be treated as such.”
