It’s 11 p.m., the internet is down, and my night has just started.
I have to plan out the next nine hours of my life carefully and precisely. I need six hours of sleep to function on the following day, and I also need half an hour to get ready for school. That leaves me with only three hours to finish my homework in three subjects: math, chemistry and English.
I can do the chemistry homework now and wake up at six to do the rest. But what about practicing for the four AP tests I want to take? What about studying for the American Mathematics Competition? What about rehearsing for the Renée B. Fisher piano competition? Bombarded with work, I freeze, staring down at my desk, unable to perform any tasks. The pressure is paralyzing, and I waste the night away stressing about the assignments that I need to complete.
This is a just a normal weekday evening. I’m sure there are people who have busier schedules than I do, but I still don’t know how I’m supposed to cope with so many things that are going on in my life.
Burning the midnight oil has become normal for me. Luckily, I’ve found a way to better handle the pressure. I used to get overwhelmed by all the tasks because I worried about everything at the same time — this meant that my focus was always split. With experience, I learned to narrow my focus down to just one most pressing issue at a time. Tackle the most imminent assignment first — trust me, it works.
This solution, while helpful for getting through a night of homework, doesn’t address the essence of the problem — signing up for the workload in the first place. Life at Choate can be less stressful if you choose to take less challenging classes, play intramural sports, and not attend club meetings. The School certainly offers plenty of opportunities, but it doesn’t force the student to make use of them. My problem is not why I’m so stressed, but rather, why I choose to make myself so stressed.
That’s where I’m stuck — I don’t know why exactly I involve myself in extracurriculars. I confuse my reasons. Am I doing them to be more engaged with school? Am I doing them to satisfy my parents’ wishes? Or do I have a deeper, more personal reason to get myself involved? For the past year, I thought I was taking economics courses because I was passionate about them. But after a while, I realized that I took them because my parents wanted me to. This cycle of thought just keeps continuing.
As I reflect, I have a feeling that I’m not alone. We all have our reasons to load pressure on ourselves. But these reasons require further contemplation. I urge you to figure out why you make the choices that you do, and adjust accordingly. I know I certainly am. Ultimately, I suppose, through enduring this immense pressure, I will discover more about myself and my intentions, whatever they may be.
