“My parents came from a harsh background. Me, having the time and space to explore what I want to do is a privilege that they never got to experience. As children, they were forced to reconcile with the fact that the world around them was crumbling to no fault of their own. As children, they were forced to be adults in search of some sort of permanence. However, their approach may not be the best for me who lives in a different time and place.
I don’t believe that there is a linear path to anything. Many of us will encounter twists and turns, thorns and all sorts of trouble, so why not enjoy this path as we go. Why not gain skills that can help us ride the waves and trek the snow? Why embark on a journey without a toolkit? Why let the fear of uncertainty dominate? There is no path that is truly safe, and with only a concentration in academics, I will never develop into a person capable of looking at life in different, beneficial perspectives.
So I tried a bunch of new things that all went under my parents’ scrutiny at Choate.
First, I got a D on one of my earliest physics tests at Choate (except I didn’t try for this and it just sort of happened because physics likes to be physics). A D, don’t come home. I mean, I am at Choate anyways, there was nothing to lose, so I might as well see what else this place has to offer than the momentary panic that I didn’t belong in this community because I didn’t understand the concept of projectile and inertia. Unlike inertia, I want to change and be in control of my life although it seemed like my life was derailing in my parents’ eyes.
When I decided to try intramural hockey, I think they experienced heart attacks. I didn’t know how to ice skate, and sticks in hindsight can be very dangerous, but Dr. Cohen made it fun even though it was always sus with how we scored with our hands or prevented scoring by moving the goalposts. Ultimate frisbee, I have to say Team gold, you make my day on the daily. Sure, our passes could use some work, and our plays can be a bit questionable, but we got where we needed to be, and our wholesome vibes were just great in general.
My parents didn’t think I would amount to anything doing these activities, but I never wanted to professionally get sponsored by Nike or sign million-dollar contracts. I joined Urinetown and Fringe, but I wasn’t particularly good at acting, dancing, or singing. You most definitely won’t find me on Broadway. However, I think those times helped me anchor myself in the backdrop of such a stressful academic setting like Choate. There was no end goal to these pursuits, but I grew as a person nonetheless. I met new people, saw new things, learned new social and physical skills, and had fun. I matured in doing things my parents thought were futile for their planned future for me. They didn’t understand that years of just thinking about academics have made their child somewhat oblivious to body language, facial expressions, emitting confidence and working in a team, which all happen to be a big part of acting, cross country, ultimate, and hockey.
Academically, physics made me realize engineering will not bring me joy, and I questioned whether the other career choices my parents have given me were the ones I actually wanted to pursue. So, I explored other classes. Since I have been told there is only one way to achieve success in life, it has truly been a thrilling experience to go on a treasure hunt and find the things I want to do. Besides, what even is the definition of success?
I don’t think I was initially taken to psychology, but intro to psych. Hooked me in and next came abnormal psych. and cog neuro. I wanted to explore environmental studies, so next came a year at the KEC. And then in senior year, I want to take some type of bio through anatomy. I dibble dabble in as many things I felt even slightly attracted to, and I am glad I did that because I figured out what I truly want to pursue, which ended up becoming a mix of all of these things I wouldn’t have known of if I didn’t venture out of the structure I was told to stick to.
Of course, I am not sure of anything yet. However, we should normalize the idea that not everything needs to be a linear progression, that not everyone needs to know what they exactly want to do or be stepping foot into high school, which can sometimes be the sentiment, especially in a place with so many driven individuals like Choate. When you’re at Choate, where there are so many things to partake in and explore, it would be a waste to lock yourself up in a box. I don’t have any details of my future other than this gut feeling in my soul, but there is so much more time left to explore.
My parents have grown to be supportive of my endeavors over the years. The grit that they accumulated through their lives lends me strength in times of confusion. While some of their wise words of encouragement may have made me go against their wishes, they never gave up on me even as I stumbled along the road I had built for myself. If anything, I am glad that their resistance constantly challenged what I felt and thought, which made me have this burning desire to explore. They have only wanted so much structure in the first place out of their own love and affection for me. I completely understand, and I don’t hold any of this against them. They have stimulated my growth. They want me to be safe and happy, so I have been on that journey… just at my own discretion.
At Choate, I have used my independence as an opportunity to discover my values, interests, and identity, and I encourage every one of you in the crowd to do the same. There is no need for an end destination when the trip itself has brought happiness and growth. It’s great if there is one, and it’s just as great if there isn’t. Find who you are and what you want, and it may take time. Dibble dabble, a piece here, a piece there, and you will find yourself in an ever-growing mosaic.”
