Didn’t have a Valentine this year? Don’t worry, you’re not alone! Though the editors of the 112th masthead of The Choate News are a group of single, stressed-out teenagers, they haven’t given up on finding that special someone to fill the void. Peruse their profiles, and, perhaps, send one of them a Choate email or Canvas DM if you think you have found the one!
Alex Yoon ’19 (Editor-in-Chief):
Sharply dressed master of InDesign with a tendency of threatening to throw fellow editors through walls seeks romance with designer-clothes-wearing companion at Choate Rosemary Hall. Must find tough-guy behavior a cute quirk.
Vincenzo DiNatale ’19 (Managing Editor):
High achieving, stressed-out leader of COSA, The Choate News, and all other prominent student positions at Choate seeks equally academically-motivated partner to engage in an extremely romantic relationship of the mind. Must enjoy binging on broccoli and onion pizza after late nights of hard-core studying.
Owen Collins ’19 (Campus News Editor):
Slightly questionable bearded man seeks lover with strong desire to listen to his spontaneous a cappella riffs that give editors of The Choate News headaches late at night. Strong eyebrow game and tendency to wear layers a must. Not interested? Don’t worry, rumor has it he will soon find someone else!
Joseph Coyne ’19 (Campus News Editor):
Gangly Campus News Editor looks for fellow Connecticut mariner with whom he can sail through the vast, open seas. Preferably enjoys bacon pizza and finds bad humor charming. A love of vaguely awkward interactions and constant, cringey quotes from The Office a must.
Abbie Chang ’19 (Local News Editor):
Curly-haired daughter of the iconic Deron Chang seeks a partner with a passion for discussing novels while listening to Lorde’s Melodrama on repeat. Must share an equally strong dislike for the suburbs and a willingness to contemplate comma usage at 4 a.m. An affinity for both Nytimes crosswords and creative writing preferred.
Derek Ng ’20 (Opinions Campus Editor):
Lone junior section editor of The Choate News seeks significant other capable of enduring his awkwardness, sardonic humor, and occasional lapses into profound conversation about life. Must enjoy writing lengthy editorials with short deadlines and complaining about older section editors to their faces.
Audrey Powell ’19 (Opinions Nation/World Editor):
Opinionated liberal (and low-key beauty guru) looks for politically-informed science nerd with whom she can Greatly Debate controversial issues brewing in the nation and the world. Seeks fellow AirPods wearer who listens to Ariana Grande and Childish Gambino at ungodly volumes.
Christine Mason ’19 (Features Editor):
Sarcastic New Yorker with defined laugh lines looks for companion with whom she can act out Romeo and Juliet on the forbidden balcony in the Dining Hall. Impressive speed walking skills preferred. Must be a coffee addict or a coffee connoisseur at the least.
Jeanne Malle ’19 (Arts & Leisure Editor):
Aggressively-French girl who pretends to forget how to say certain words in English (Je suis désolé, comment dites-vous…?) seeks romance with individual who has a deep appreciation for the arts and doesn’t mind drama — or, even, finds it endearing! Must not fear constant overreaction or overthinking prior to and throughout relationship.
Dan Brockett ’19 (Sports Editor):
JV hockey player and somewhat sketchy day student looks for fellow athlete and sarcastic sweetheart to whom he can complain about his day-to-day grievances without criticism. Must wear car keys on a chain attached to pants that jingle when walking.
Pinn Chirathivat ’19 (Photography Editor):
Tiny — yet somehow incredibly intimidating — tree-hugger searches for tall, swoll heartthrob who can tower over her in artsy photos and grant her children a chance to be five-feet tall. A strong belief in climate change and its dangerous consequences a must.
Chandler Littleford ’20 (Graphics & Illustrations Editor):
Extremely fashionable and slightly hipster junior with adorable freckles seeks quirky suitor who can pull off sporty aviator eyeglasses as well as she does. Must have appreciation for graphic design and doodling in class.
