Students representing various campus groups had the opportunity to chat with Ms. Rosalind Wiseman, who gave a well-received speech about teenage hook-up culture at a special program this pas fall. Her visit was the first of many to come — Choate has hired Ms. Wiseman and her business partner from Cultures of Dignity Mr. Charlie Kuhn for a yearlong partnership.
According to Mr. James Stanley, Dean of Students and the school’s point person in the partnership, the ultimate goal of Ms. Wiseman and Mr. Kuhn’s work with the school is “to make sure that we have a culture of dignity and that people treat one another with respect.” Ms. Wiseman and Mr. Kuhn will return to Choate’s campus for two-day visits in the fall, winter, and spring terms of the next academic year.
Ms. Wiseman and Mr. Kuhn, in collaboration with Mr. Stanley, created seven goals they hope to accomplish during the partnership. In essence, they hope to help create a sustainable environment that encourages open communication, thereby helping students better understand relationships and form healthy relationships. Mr. Kuhn said, “In addition to the goals, we really want to focus on building the institution in a way that they can handle a lot of these things internally. As consultants we are only as valuable as our work is when we leave.”
During their two days at Choate in May, Ms. Wiseman and Mr. Kuhn simply learned more about Choate. According to Ms. Wiseman, “It is our job to ask you all difficult questions.” In the weeks preceding their arrival, Ms. Wiseman and Mr. Kuhn researched Choate and became familiar with the Student Handbook, helping them develop questions to spark conversation. “We were here to start a conversation with you and to begin to build relationships of trust,” said Ms. Wiseman.
Mr. Stanley added, “Ms. Wiseman and Mr. Kuhn asked a broad range of questions, and they didn’t come in with assumptions about the issues. They let those conversations guide them.” He continued, “My responsibility was to set up meetings with various groups that cross all sorts of lines on campus.”
Ms. Wiseman and Mr. Kuhn will create a survey to be administered to the entire school in late spring or early summer. According to Ms. Wiseman, “Choate people will be helping us design the survey. After that, we’re going to give it to the community and share the responses.” That survey will guide the rest of the work they do while at Choate, and determine whom they work most closely with. Ms. Wiseman said, “We want to hear from everyone, especially those who have not thought that they would be interested in these issues or involved in this kind of initiative.”
In their subsequent visits in the fall, winter, and spring, Ms. Wiseman and Mr. Kuhn will help build an even healthier community and facilitate conversation. Mr. Stanley elaborated, “One of those visits will involve a pretty hefty dose of professional development for the faculty. One of those visits will involve some sort of all-school gathering. Ms. Wiseman wants to engage the entire Choate community.”
One important point of discussion between Mr. Stanley and Ms. Wiseman was student privacy. According to Ms. Wiseman, “We completely respect the students’ privacy. If people tell us things, it is not going to be shared without their expressed written agreement.”
According to Mr. Stanley, “We’re not doing this because we think we have a huge problem. We’re doing this because it’s the right thing to do.” He has wanted to bring Ms. Wiseman to Choate since 2011, when a student’s mother discussed Ms. Wiseman’s talk at a different school.
After the fall special program, Mr. Stanley and Ms. Wiseman discussed continuing her work at Choate. Mr. Stanley says, “Of the people who have come, I think she struck a tone that worked best. People seemed open to her in ways that they weren’t necessarily open to other people. And it seemed like the right connection. We’re saying this is the one who we want to dive in deep with.”
However, Ms. Wiseman and Mr. Kuhn do not agree to work with every school. According to Mr. Kuhn, they have criteria for partnerships “in order to know if their work has the potential to shift consciousness around the perception of students.” This includes whether the endeavor is realistic and effective, and whether the school is honestly open to change.
Ms. Wiseman said, “I don’t want to be part of something that is superficial. When an administrator asks me to think about that kind of partnership and collaboration, that is a very serious question for me.” She has turned down other schools in the past. “It’s not that I think that things have to go perfectly. The process can be really difficult and uncomfortable but I have to feel that the process must have integrity.”
However, she deemed Choate an appropriate fit. Ms. Wiseman continued, “The questions people asked me in the fall special program showed me that a variety of people felt comfortable asking questions that reflected very diverse experiences and opinions. There are schools that I go to where only certain kids speak, and so I really respected Choate.” She added, “Mr. Stanley is absolutely committed to having an honest, uncomfortable dialogue about some issues at Choate. He is committed to that for the long term. I have worked with other schools where administrators say the right thing, but don’t do the right thing. I believe that Choate is ready to have a difficult fourteen months!”
Looking at their work here in a larger perspective, Mr. Kuhn said, “Choate and schools like yours are very good at promoting meaning in one’s academic life, but there’s all kinds of other ways that you can live a fulfilled, meaningful life. I think that at times the social competencies loose some gravitas to the academic competencies.”
Ms. Wiseman and Mr. Kuhn want to be “hard on ideas and easy on people,” according to Mr. Kuhn. Our jobs are to sit and talk about the things that make you uncomfortable. These don’t have to be stuffy conversations. The more honest that we can all be, the more fun it will be in the end.”
If you would like to reach out to Ms. Rosalind Wiseman or Mr. Charlie Kuhn, they can reached at rosalind@culturesofdignity.com and charlie@culturesofdignity.com, respectively.
